Sparkatale

Loving the raccoon! So far your story is awesome! I do not love the main character to the same extent as the coon but really who can beat a talking animal?

So far I can’t think of anything you need to do improve. Your characters are coming to life to me. Your beginning captures attention and is well thought out. You have lively details and fun ideas.

With these three chapters you are hitting the nail on the head for me! I can’t wait to read your next chapter!

Thank you very much for your comments!  This manuscript is a blast to write.  When I have more ready I will post it for you.  Need to keep me on track!

So far it's a good start. The main character is pretty well developed and the messenger is a great touch. Obviously it needs a good revision as far as grammar, tense, and person, but I'm sure you knew that.

One thing I would change is to start with Chapter 2. Get right to the raccoon and the story as soon as you can. That draws the reader in and captures their interest early. The friends are not important in chapters 2-4, so why introduce them first? We cna meet them later, when they start to play a role.

Good job so far. Looking forward to new chapters when you post them.

Thanks for the comment Dave.  I originally did have chpt 2 as the 1st chapter.  Then I decided to bring in the friends as characters, I introduced them then sent them away for the meeting of the messenger.  Now in chapter 5 they are back and all talking about their weekend, which ties the chapters together.

I was hearing Andrea was not strong enough readers did not like her, so I went back and gave her friends and issues to deal with.  Does that make sense or do you have a suggestion?  I am waiting until it is more complete then I will revisit the first chapters to make sure the flow is there.  Perhaps toss in some text messages or something between the friends throughout chapter 2 and 3?

I'm still a big believer in the theory that the first paragraph, then the first chapter, are the most important, but maybe it is a good idea to write a little farther and see how things flow. Easy enough to move things later if you want. The most important thing is that you have some good ideas and developing characters so there's a lot of potential if you keep working on it. :)